A Handy Guide to E3 for You
E3 is an event for people who write about videogames, sometimes mistakenly called ‘journalists’, to get free t-shirts and try to form opinions on half-finished games. It is the gaming event of the year and the place to hear all the latest news that was leaked a month before.
E3 began life in 1906 as the Enormous Elephant Extravaganza, but decided to cover videogames instead under the name the Electronic Entertainment Expo when enormous elephants fell out of fashion in 1965.
E3 is held in The America, a place far away best known for its national sport of racism, and its president, a sentient Dorito. The conference taking place in The America means many of the announcements happen at 3am UK time, when most respectable people are in bed. Thankfully, this means most game fans are still awake. The event lasts three days. It’s like Glastonbury!
Scientists have previously warned that the amount of focussed cynicism arising from cramming so many of these games “journalists” into one area could cause a rupture in the fabric of the universe, although this is yet to happen.
It isn’t just writers, though. The people what run E3 recently changed policy to allow other people to buy tickets to attend the event, because of capitalism.
This year’s event takes place from the 12th to the 14th of June. All the major companies from the games industry will be in attendance, and also Microsoft
It has been an E3 tradition since 1998 that a new version of Skyrim is announced every year. This year’s event is expected to see everyone’s favourite boring game brought to Apple Watch, Commodore 64 and most major brands of microwave
Experts predict Sony will tease the launch of their one game again, for the fourth year running, except this time it will be called The Last of Us 2. Previous names for Sony’s one game include Uncharted 4, God of War and Horizon Zero Dawn.
Nintendo will continue to ignore any technological developments from the past ten years, and probably announce they’re releasing branded Velcro or origami or something because you know what they’re like.
Major titles expected to be discussed include Grand Theft Horsie, A Bethesda Game and Something With Mario In.
The best thing about E3 is those unexpected game announcements, or ‘surprises’ as we in the industry call them. Will Sony remember they launched a VR headset two years ago and release some games for it? Will Microsoft remember they launched a console five years ago and release some games for it? Will Nintendo remember what year it is?
Now you know all about E3! You’re a proper games journalist. If you want to keep up with everything that’s happening, keep an eye on NGB. If you’re lucky, there might be an elephant! Hahaha! Take care.