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Time Shi… Er… Splitters.

A couple of weeks ago, Battlefield 1 came out, taking the franchise back to World War One. At this year’s E3, the company’s main man said that when he was presented with the idea of moving the shooting back to the early part of the last century, he thought it was, and I quote, ‘mind boggling’. It doesn’t seem that mind boggling, does it? World War One has had quite a bit of attention. There’s a few games about it already. People know about World War One. I wonder what else he finds mind boggling? Cup holders, perhaps.

Anyway, this got me thinking as to what would happen to other franchises if you changed the time zone they were in. So now you have to read about that. Sorry.

1. PES 1918

Oh come on, think about it. This would be football stripped of all the corporate sponsorship and money. It’d certainly be harder to score fancy set pieces with a ball that weighed as much as the average family car, and it’d add a whole new level of challenge if the worst injury your players could get was no longer a torn hamstring, but the actual plague, or cholera.

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There’s also a chance England would be better than other countries at this point, as we had something of a head-start on them, but perhaps this is one dream too far.

2. FIFA 1918

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Same as above, but somehow still corrupt.

3. Assassin’s Creed: 1945

Call me controversial, but I think Hitler was bad. So did a lot of people, so they tried to kill him but they couldn’t; there were loads of failed assassination attempts on Adolf. Anyway, y’know who’s good at killing people? Assassins, that’s who. Not real ones, but ones from games wearing dressing gowns and with face tattoos, like your man Ezio from Assassin’s Creed.

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Of course this being Assassin’s Creed, it’d all be a simulation anyway, rendering the whole thing as meaningless as watching every season of Lost. Perhaps we’d be better off sending Agent 47 instead, now I think about it.

(Editor’s note: We know Unity included a bit in WW2, but just think how cool it’d be!)

4. Rock Band: Medieval

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Baroque and roll. Less Muse, more Lute. In fact, less Muse everywhere would be a very good start. Just in general, really.

5. Fallout 5

Set in 2017, about six months after Donald Trump gets access to the largest nuclear arsenal in the world. Writes itself, really.

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6. Homefront: The (French) Revolution

You probably haven’t played Homefront: The Revolution, Deep Silver’s playable glitch simulator from earlier this year, because no one really did. I did, because I reviewed it. Anyway, the setting is relentlessly grim Korean-occupied Philadelphia. Admittedly, muted settings are the least of the game’s worries, but it’d be much nicer if you could run around the city of romance or some nice chateaus instead.

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If Les Miserables taught us anything, it’s that the French are always up for a singsong, even in the midst of bloody revolution, so that might be nice too. What better way to distract you from the seventh unannounced stutter in gameplay in a minute or an NPC getting stuck in the floor than with a rousing musical medley about those naughty Koreans?

7. Cricket 2099

I don’t even know what the latest/best cricket game is called. Do they still make cricket games? I’m just saying this is a great opportunity to revamp what is literally and factually the worst and most Tory sport ever. It’s like someone turned being privileged into a physical activity.

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It hasn’t changed in 1000 years. What better way to solve this than adding some laser cannons, and perhaps a few grenades? Make it a bit like rollerball or Tron or something, and add in the ability to punch people when you run past them. I don’t know, just do SOMETHING to make cricket interesting. ANYTHING.

8. GTA: Flinstones

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Admittedly I am sort of running out of ideas now but stay with me on this. You could steal… dinosaurs? Nah, I’ve gone too far. I should have finished this two paragraphs ago.

9. Call of Duty: In the Future and Also in Space

Now this is getting too silly … It’s what? That’s a real one? Coming out this year? Really? Blimey.

CONCLUSION

So that’s it, a widely useless tour through the mind of a man with nothing better to think about than how to revamp games by Quantum Leap-ing them (or Goodnight Sweetheart-ing them, if you prefer an altogether more pleasant reference) into different time zones. Contribute your own below or on Twitter if you like, because let’s be honest, they’re probably better than that nonsense you just read!

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