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The First Women’s Royal Rumble: F.A.T. Predicts

Girl Power(bombs)

The Royal Rumble is the best of all the one-off match types in WWE, but there’s one thing it’s been missing; contestants without Y chromosomes! After ‘quite some time’, the world’s biggest graps company entered the 21st century and January 27th sees the first women’s WWE Royal Rumble in history. But what could happen in this unprecedented event? The Fannish Announce Table investigates…

1. At The Last Minute They’ll Announce That It’s Called the Royal Rumbelle

Look, when it comes to equality WWE are definitely going in the right direction but they’re doing so quite slowly. It’s not long since all the female superstars were unanimously referred to as ‘Divas’. There’s still a reality show about the women of WWE called Total Divas. It seems ridiculous now. Billionaire, irrelevant singers who demand pugs in their dressing rooms are divas. Asuka could kick your head clean off. Mariah Carey couldn’t do that.

With this in mind, it seems like this sort of pun-filled name change would have been inevitable five years ago in such a scenario. But for now, we’re safe. Probably.

2. Charlotte Will Probably Win…?

I like Charlotte Flair, she’s great. While she’s not quite Nia Jax, she was one of the first women in the current WWE batch who looked like she legitimately had the muscle and size to get the job done, and she’s a brilliant villain on the mic. She is, however, already very much ‘over’. She doesn’t really need the push of winning the first women’s rumble at this point, and it’d be incredibly safe for her to do so. So she probably will.

3. Becky Lynch Will Be Great…

….that’s it. Look, I just really like Becky Lynch.

4. Nia Jax is Gonna Batter Almost Everyone…

An obvious call this, but if there’s one thing you know about Vince it’s that he loves a big lad battering through people in a Royal Rumble. You’d assume the same will out here, and the obvious contender for the ‘big lad’ of the women’s division is Nia. Huge, Samoan and just about got the hang of not smiling in the ring anymore, she’s the best fit for filling the Braun Strowman spot for the female wrestlers. Not a winner, but expect Nia to finish in the last third.

5. …and Asuka Will Batter Everyone Else

Like Charlotte, this seems too obvious a call to make. Everyone rightfully loves Asuka, so while giving her the honour seems too transparent, it’s hard to imagine anyone taking her out unless it’s a gang effort. Asuka, along with Nia, Bayley and a bunch of others, shows how far WWE has come since the Divas era; a roster full of thin, blonde ladies at perennial risk of exposing themselves has become more and more diverse to the point where they’re no longer just there for sexiness. Heck, rather than wearing as few clothes as possible, Asuka looks like she’s actively trying to wear everything she owns at once.

6. Some Sort of Scrap Between Absolution and Not-Absolution

With Rock ‘The Dwayne’ Johnson’s film about Paige coming out sometime this year, expect everyone’s favourite goth from Norwich to get a push sooner rather than later. Having recently teamed up with Sonya Deville and The Other One, Smackdown answered with The Riottttt Squad (number of ’T’s to be confirmed), a rival threesome who are basically the Wario to Absolution’s Mario. Its-a-me, obvious conflict!

EDIT: Since I wrote this, Paige has taken some further time out due to that sketchy neck injury. Who’s house!? Erm, someone else’s.

7. The ‘UFC’-esque Ones Will Do Well

Big Vince is forever chasing the legitimacy that UFC has for his own brand, and what better way to do that than bringing in ex-MMA fighters? Shayna Baszler hitting the second spot in the Mae Young Classic, along with Sonya Deville’s inclusion in Absolution, suggests they’d like to mimic what Brock brings to the men’s division. UFC regularly features womens matches as headline events, so stepping in this direction wouldn’t be surprising. Which brings us to our next point…

8. Get Rowdy For Rhonda

It’s no secret that former poster-girl for UFC, Rhonda Rousey, has been training down the performance centre of late. Early predictions were that this could be for a Wrestlemania debut, but the women’s rumble seems like a far likelier prospect. If Rhonda is in it for the long term, putting the title of first women’s rumble winner will certainly help draw attention, although it’s hard to imagine the rest of the locker room being thrilled about a total newcomer getting all the glory. Let’s hope Holly Holm isn’t about.

9. Legends!

The centrepiece of any self-respecting rumble is a surprise entrant.The Fannish team are putting their money on either Lita or Trish Stratus, being the obvious retired legends who are still young enough to pop along and take a bump or two. Who else would you like to see? Drop us one of those ‘tweets’ at @FannishAnnounce on twitter.


So there you go, that’s our predictions for what’s gonna happen at the world’s first WWE Royal Rumble for ladies.

Well, at least James Elsworth won’t win this one, right?


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